the hannah tea. (phoenixdragon) wrote,
the hannah tea.
phoenixdragon

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don't even toe the line today.

i'm out of my apartment. finally. we went down last night around 11pm to finish off with the cleaning, etc. except brett had to pull off the road because he was falling asleep. so we slept at the scenic overlook just outside town for about an hour and a half. oops.

so we ended up crashing on the mattress, which was left behind at the house, due to some circumstances i'm not even sure i feel like talking about. suffice to say, there was just a little more idealism robbed yesterday. something permanently altered. not through one experience, but the culmination of too many. suffice to say, the next time i take the help of someone who gives to get....they'll have to take whatever they can find off my dead body. there is a long rant stewing about how i hate people who give with conditions and strings attatched. fucking do or don't. don't do me a favor and use it to make me your slave. keep your goddamn favors.

nothing like moving to make you realize how much useless crap you keep around. i'm moving towards a stuff-less life.

never thought i would abandon my stance that people are naturally good. i'm just not feeling very patient today. i'm not feeling like i want to put up with much. i'm not feeling up to being drained. i'm not feeling tolerant enough for needless energy exchange. safer just to stay away. trust me. lately, i've been a lot less tolerant of people in general. all of you. so busy wrapped up in your own little existence. too busy collecting useless crap to notice anything beyond the shiny packaging. selfish to the core. i never cease to be surprised how much. long ago forgot how to treat anyone else like another human being. i'm feeling SO antisocial right now. i may be an honest-to-god loner sooner than expected. guess there are two sides to every coin. some personal-growth work i've been toiling over for about 4 years came to completion over the course of my trip. but it does change how i interact with most anything/anyone outside my own head. and not always for the better, unfortunately. which just means...there's still growth to be had.

and in this frame of mind, i'm going to go visit my family. my sister is graduating. my dad's mom is in town, as is his oldest brother. i'm sure this means i'm in for all sorts of conversations i'd rather not even begin. i'm just going to wear a shirt that says "MY IDEALS DON'T MATCH YOURS. Now can we talk about something else?" i just hate getting sucked into discussions that go nowhere for hours, and upset both parties.

in other news, i straightened out issues with my parents on the car. they are now not going to just take it off my hands. if i can sell it, the money is mine, short of expenses, etc. so. yay. now i just have to get that taken care of. just put it on my list.

love,
hannah
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