the hannah tea.'s experiments in humanity « live subjects ¤ track record »
the hannah tea.

We do not see the world as
it is. We see it as we are.
-Anais Nin

« proof of existence ‡ It's not much excitement yet. YET. »
« strange new world -§- enter my headspace »
« always a curious girl -§- proof »

oh no she didn't! «tuesday june 01 2004 ‡ 7:34pm»
« mood ‡ geeky »

yeah. you can just laugh now and get it over with.

hannah signed up for hot or not

the running joke being that since i'm flat broke with no job, i should get on the dating scene right away (haha...via hot-or-not) in hopes of a free dinner or two. aaa! no, seriously. feeed meee!

this message has been brought to you by the department of the UTTERLY RIDICULOUS.

love,
hannah

3 human subjects ¤ participate in the study

«sunday may 30 2004 ‡ 7:20am»
« mood ‡ pensive »

i feel like a stranger to home. which is, disconcerting.

after 26 solid hours of travel/being in airports, i got back to my apt around 8pm, colorado time. the cat spent the next hour trying to leave ALL of her fur on our clothing/skin and lectured us until she went hoarse. i fell asleep on the couch around 9pm.

yesterday i got up around 630 am, walked to pick up a few groceries, fixed myself breakfast and sat on my balcony with hot tea, breakfast sandwich and disgusting, oversweetened american yoghurt. saw my family for a bit. moved a bit. mixed a bit. i hate driving. i'm posting an ad for sale of my car in the TCA classifieds, and probably the thrifty nickel. i hate driving.

i'd like to go to twisted woodz. it sounds like amazing fun. but. i don't know if i'm going to be able to. i mean. i don't even own a tent. i need to move.

today i got up early again.
so i wrote a poem or three.Collapse )

it's time to begin again.

love,
hannah

2 human subjects ¤ participate in the study

DIG YOUR OWN HOLE. «thursday may 27 2004 ‡ 12:58pm»
« mood ‡ hot »

and don't laugh too hard when you have to climb out of it alone.

Just when you think you have someone figured out...they go and do something completely out of character. And then you have to sit in the living room looking shell-shocked, go get a drink or two and slam them both, and then sit around looking drunk and shell-shocked, and make like a chimney, and more shock. haha...yesterday was a big fat SHAME ON YOU from the universe to me. But on the upside, got a chance to talk with Brett, and that was good. and...interesting.

and tonight, thanks to brett, we get into an IDM party free, get to meet cool people, chill etc. should be a good time and i'm looking forward to it very much.

so this is it. this is the last hurrah, and then it's back home. wander around, go to party, sleep at heathrow and then fly home. the wanderings are over, for now. and i'm a bit sad, but at the same time happy to be returning to friends, family etc. and kitty!

there has been much food for thought. i'm looking forward to a few good conversations when i get home. my favorite bradly is coming to town! so there will be coffee...oh yes. there will be coffee.

love,
hannah

8 human subjects ¤ participate in the study

i still suffer from severe time distortion. «wednesday may 26 2004 ‡ 2:54pm»
« mood ‡ sensual. »

i have no clue how i'm going to return to some sort of actual schedule. that's a very foreign thought. that and driving. i'm actually hoping to just get rid of my car. which means i probably won't see you springs people too much, and i'm sorry for that, but it's too expensive to insure something i don't plan on using. i hate driving, hate maintaining it, hate owning a car, basically. so. i'm going to try and just live car-free.

overall, i give this trip an A. it gets points docked for making me feel married to two of my good friends, and rome took it down from an A+ but whatever. hah. according to mark...nobody has anything good to say about italy. which i think is a crying shame.

brett weirdness. since italy, pretty much, i have been dealing with:
"i fucked up so bad, i'm really sorry."
"please take me back, give me another shot."
"never realized exactly how good i had it till it was gone."
"i'll never find somebody as good as you."
etc, etc. and to a point, that's flattering. and i don't mind. but after a while...i'm getting edgy, snappish and feeling caged in. i don't think that by any stretch of the imagination i'm somehow the only cool girl on the planet, and as much as i disliked sarah when she happened....i'd take it back to releive some of the constant angst. i feel like...he's just angsting at me all the time. and there's nothing, short of going back into the relationship...which i have no intent whatsoever to do, that i could really do about this. i've stated that i need my own space on numerous occasions. i've stated that he needs to stop being affectionate with me in public. or just period. i don't know. i don't really want to be mean. and i can understand and appreciate exactly how he's feeling, which gives the hannah-thing food for thought, to be sure. but...i think i need a break. it's definitely been interesting to be on this side of the fence. to be that impossible someone.

what complicates things is that the most viable living situation option at this point is to crash with brett at his mom's house. it's either that or live with my parents, and god knows i'm pretty sure i'd rather go live in hell with the devil himself before going to live back home. ugh. just. ugh. i'm going to figure out something. and fast. just letting the wings unfurl on the way down out the window again.

so here's a weird side effect of doing drugs. besides residuals like seeing brick roads undulate anytime we're in a place where there is water underneath. i've really felt very...uhh....60's? haha...yes...make love not war, people! it's very...warm, expansive, relaxed, sensual, open. flow. it's interesting. just how i understood better how rave culture grew up the way it did after doing E, so now i can see how it was that we ended up with all of these strange stereotypes about hippies, having shroomed.

at any rate. i am avidly looking forward to how all these strange new mentalities integrate with who i am back home. what changes stay permanent (hopefully most all...because i like very much the ones that have occured!) just a bit detatched and being aware of myself being myself. now i just have to keep practicing the being aware of being aware of...

love,
hannah

6 human subjects ¤ participate in the study

hannah loves london. «tuesday may 25 2004 ‡ 8:11pm»
« mood ‡ accomplished »

this whole "i need to just not go back" thought is running through my head one too many times. london is really great. ok, so understatement. london is fucking amazing.

my favorite so far:
camden town. this section of town that looks like it's straight out of the 1700s, devoted to all my favorite subculture goodness. hot record shops, and goth stores and punkers pissing in public trashcans and enough yoga centers to satisfy any granola. and cyberdog! wow...talk about a trip to another planet. that shop was wild. it fell into the category of "if i ever win the lottery i will shop here." but it was fun just to walk through it. see all the really strange cyber-punk attire. go see it online for yourself. not the same as being there, but here: www.cyberdog.net

so that was our first day...just spent hours wandering around camden lock.

today was a bit more hectic. starting with the changing of the guard at buckingham palace, and moving on st james park, to trefalger and westminister squares, respectively (which includes: parliament, westminister abbey, big ben, etc.) then a long walk down the thames, hitting of course the london and tower bridges (obviously) and the globe theater, the clink prison museum, the tate museum of modern art (which we actually went into...because it was free) and the tower of london. WHEW. my feet hurt.

we also took the lightrail to cutty sark for maritime greenwich, but everything was closed by the time we got there. so the royal observatory (home of greenwich main time and the prime meridian) and the maritime museum (also free) are for tomorrow. and possibly also the jack-the-ripper tour (also free, er, or requested donation).

what is the moral of this story? we have no dinero. haha...i'm going to set up a pay-pal donation thing here so you can all drop a quarter in my cup. and i swear to god, the next bum that asks me for my spare change, i'm going to hit over the head and steal his earnings. ha!

tommorow and then the next day and then it's sleeping in heathrow (because it would be impossile to get there from mark's by 645am when we need to arrive to check in). and then the long flight back home. which, after all the long train rides...doesn't seem terrible at all. and!! i get to see my dad for our layover at O'Hare in Chicago. yayy!! i cannot express how all-sorts-of-excited i am about that. he needs to stop moving all over the planet and park it in denver so i can see him more. not that i could ever seriously ask that, of course. so maybe, i need to just hit the road with him. see the world, via the gay-man network.

oh yes...Queer Eye for the Straight UK Guy...fucking hillarious.

ok out of time online. love to all. see you all soon enough.

love,
!hannah

6 human subjects ¤ participate in the study

the sky is falling. «sunday may 23 2004 ‡ 12:13pm»
« mood ‡ anxious »

Brett and I went to another DnB party on La Panice Alternat (boat on the seine). We decided to walk the length of paris back home, for the heck of it. Took about 2.5 hours, and on the way, we saw 5 police cars, an amblulance or two, and 2 military hummerish trucks all turn on sirens and speed off towards somthing. At the time it was unknown. But get this:
CDG Airport roof collapses??!?

And what really gets me....we fly out Air France...so....that terminal. It's a damn good thing we didn't take the early-morning flight. wow.

love,
hannah

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so home is where the heart is? «saturday may 22 2004 ‡ 8:13pm»
« mood ‡ contemplative »

i must have left mine back in the US. i am still having a good time, but i can't wait to be home again. shame on me! i'm trying really hard to be all chin-up about it, but i am tired of wandering. tired of long train rides and cement beds and cold showers and heavy backpack--my whole existence crammed into it and dirty, smelly clothes. and i miss my cat. and my family. and my other friends. and yes. i miss being able to dance without the whole room looking at me like i was some sort of freakshow.

but! on a brighter note, we are back in paris, and having a good time. brett and i went record shopping today. we figured, better to do the record shopping here, because there is a TON of stuff from the UK (due, largely, to proximity) and it's cheaper here on account of the exchange rate ($1.16 to 1E, vs. $2 to 1 quid). i must say, i'm super excited. of course, now i have several cool new records that i can't do anything about, until i get home, anyways. it was very strange...i didn't find any breakbeat that was specifically french, though i did find several rocking UK tracks. and mostly, what i found was stuff that you can't get in the US anymore...because it's 6-9 months old. strange.

and yet again my head is full of thoughts. and yet again, i feel like a completely different person. and yet again i wonder how that's going to go over when i get back. hopefully well. i really do. hope, that is.

love,
hannah

3 human subjects ¤ participate in the study

so i went to amsterdam and had an epiphany. «thursday may 20 2004 ‡ 7:29pm»
« mood ‡ playful. ridiculous. »

i was talking to god. this was after thinking that perhaps my brain was bleeding, and having my lesson in acceptance and you know what?? i got to nirvana and it was RIDICULOUS. GODDAMMIT. god is ridiculous. it's like getting to the end of a very long scavenger hunt and finding a big sign at the end that says HA. silly human. you went on a scavenger hunt. like....what is the word i am looking for. practical joke? yes! practical joke! it's like having a practical joke played on you...the feeling afterwards where you're all awwwwwwwdammit. i should have known. and you feel like a fool. but it's still really funny.

so the point of this entry was to state how i had this epiphany about how god is ridiculous...but now they're playing spice girls in the background....AAAAHAHAH. ridiculous.

so amsterdamn. damn. yes. WORDS, dammit. i am done with amsterdam.

the second half of this epiphany is a surprise. shhh.

me: [looking at god's mandelbrot that is the sky]
god: [keeps making it do tricks....showing off]
me: STOP SHOWING OFF, OK?? stop messing with me, god!! i'm on drugs, OK?? stoppit.
god: but i made drugs.
me: doh.

ok so i'm having my moment of doh...i'm going to look at this more sober and go WOW AM I A MORON. but the ridiculousness is fun.

love,
hannah

3 human subjects ¤ participate in the study

«wednesday may 19 2004 ‡ 10:58am»
« mood ‡ calm »

unpuzzle the puzzle
fo shuffle my nuffle.

because it's cafe au lait.
and it's OK. =)

because really...we are all on a trip. within a trip. and it's cafe-au-lait-OK.
just. =). shroomy.

love,
hannah

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so i´m bringing home a souvenier «monday may 17 2004 ‡ 3:38am»
« mood ‡ contemplative »

from germany. i´m not sure if he will fit in my backpack, and pretty sure i don´t want to carry him around. but shanna and i are both sure he´s going to make bank at the ren faire.

today, after drive-by commentary exchange with the piratish guy in a main square in downtown west berlin for the third day in a row...we actually had a conversation. hahah....more than his "nice boots" to shanna yesterday. living the free lifestyle, he says...i´ve forgotton his word for it. and he said...anything you need...you are given. and anything you do not...you are not given. it was something to chew on, for sure. he apparently spends his days as the square jester, telling jokes and fables and generally entertaining whilst his undergothlings...as shanna so appropriately put it, collect change from passers by. i would have to say...it was a good moment in my day. the whole experience gave my brain substance to mull over.

other good moments in my day are as follows:Collapse )
tomorrow is sightseeing...because we´ve been huge slackers about that here. but...for me. this will hold a special place in my heart as a space of rest. berlin = sanctuary. and i fear not. because i know there is always coming back, most definitely.

these things seem to dance across the room. i - watching from your bed, returning to you.

exciting times.

love,
!hannah

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kiss the rain. «saturday may 15 2004 ‡ 5:42pm»
« mood ‡ confused »

i was going to have something else to say about berlin.
and then i was moved.
and now i feel like my words just don´t have much to tell
so here´s my love.
here´s my love...here´s my love...i would never ever try...

so starts the freefall to the bottom....once more with feeling. cycles and cycles and circles again.

love,
hannah

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cycles. «friday may 14 2004 ‡ 3:13am»
« mood ‡ hopeful »

notes on life as a vagrant.
on hands and their pockets:
in paris, you can only keep one hand in your pocket because the other is holding a cigarrette at all times.
in rome, you keep your hands in your pocket, so no one else tries to put theirs in and retrieve its contents.
in morocco (which is now next on the list) you keep your hands in your pocket so the henna ladies don't attack you with their dyes and make you pay for it whether you wanted it done or not.
in berlin, you keep your hands in your pocket because IT'S BLOODY COLD HERE.
travel stories. boy is she ever wordy tonight.Collapse )
on cycles and circles and circles again.Collapse )
love,
hannah

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we're germany... «wednesday may 12 2004 ‡ 2:48pm»
« mood ‡ accomplished »

i'm looking forward to it immensely, actually. already our train tickets and hostel are 4xs cheaper than anywhere else we've been, and 3xs nicer. amazing. hopefully we're going to get to the sistene chapel today, as soon as the good sir trevor finds a way back home. there's a strike going on, so. train service back to paris is very limited just now. so as soon as we get him all taken care of....I WANT A SANDWICH. heh. italian sandwiches...like french sandwiches, are yum indeed. ahh...if only i could take the food home with me. if only. i would die a happy hannah. but...it's ok. i hear it's easy to get a job in london. so. that may be my crashlanding spot for coming back over here. plus, the guy we're staying with apparently is completely OK with people staying for extended amounts of time to find jobs, flats, etc. wild.

skipped out on a cheaper pub crawl last night....i wanted to go, but i'm pretty sick as it is. i didn't need another night of heavy smoking/drinking to help that along. i don't even care though....the trip-low was 2 days ago, and i can already feel the spirits lifting again. plus...we all know that germany is the land of NUTELLA...so. shanna and i will both definitely be enjoying that.

time to make the sandwich happen. then tonight we leave for munich at 9pm (remember, kids, here is +8hrs) and then take a train for berlin from munich an hour or so after our arrival at 830ish in the morning. so we should hit berlin about 4pm. yay....berlin! yay....raves in berlin! brett too is very excited. and of course, i'm already creaming my pants about the breaks soiree we are going to try and make in paris the 21st. oooh sex. sex on a platter.

love,
hannah

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where do i begin again? «tuesday may 11 2004 ‡ 2:58pm»
« mood ‡ trying to unwind. »

where is the reset button? i'm all sorts of mixed triggers and responses. and one minute, i'm confident of my appeal. and the next minute, i'm drowning my insecurities. and i'm trying to be as honest with myself as i can, yet i suspect there's a piece of me holding something back, and i hate that. or perhaps i'm trying to be something i'm not. that is more likely the answer. and i'm wearing thin from the strain, on several fronts, on several levels. i want to just rest my head and start again. and i'm also afraid to cease motion. there has been a lot of good advice that i've been shamelessly disregarding. again. because i'm as stubborn as they come, and sometimes stupid.

so back to my stories. so italy. is bipolarity. on the downside...we are all reallly fucking sick of people trying to pick our pockets (like the guy in the train station that shanna turned around and started cussing out), asking us for money, taking advantage of us (like the cabbie who didn't zero his meter). and personally....it irks me not to be able to talk to/understand people. that drives me up the fucking wall. i'm probably just spoiled. but yeah...this is what i mean by the strain wearing me thin. i'm sick, malnourished, stressed, etc. but. still trying to have a good time, because fuck me if i'm going to be on the other side of the planet having the experience of a lifetime and not enjoy myself.

i'm worried about money. my sister sent me an email stating i had $69 left, and either that means my rent check has hit and cleared, or i'm completely fucked. one of the two. and i've got about 150 euros left to last me the trip. but we just found out we have free lodging in london...so that's a huge weight off the mind right there. huge.

on the upside. we went on a pub crawl last night...it was insane. 10 euros gets you 5 free shots at 5 different bars, all the beer you can drink from 830 to 930 and 5 free cocktails if you're female. yeah. so unfair i know. it was wild. there was drinking and dancing and (yes....) making out with a random guy (err...and he rather had a girlfriend somewhere in france. hah. i have no scruples when drunk. bad hannah! bad hannah!) and general mayhem. trevor, alas...got his wallet lifted between bar #1 and bar #2 so he may be going again tonight to recover it. met lots of people from many places. woke up with a killer headache, despite trying to drink water like good people should. heard the same 10 hip-hop songs all night long. blah. but one of them was "ghetto superstar" and i would have to confess...it's a dirty little secret...i really love that song. alot.

music! has been an interesting part of this trip. listening to "barcelona" (mindmachine and epsilon) on the train just as we were getting into rome. falling asleep to "pearl's girl" (underworld) every night....yeah...that song has rather become about the perfect expression of how i'm feeling of late. laying in bed daydreaming to "scar tissue" (RHCP). going crazy on the train to brett's newest jungle track..."lawless". hearing again and again in my head the dnb track from the soiree on the Panice Alternate (boat on the seine)....passons...passons...passons... and a few others..."renegade master" (fat boy slim, yes?), "everyone in the world is doing something without me" (FSOL) etc etc.

man...i'm going to be really sad to have my hair go back to "normality" i just need to find a job that doesn't require as much. i've gotten more compliments on my style (hair, hennaed hands, etc)...but we shall see. money to eat will dictate how things go more than style to get free drinks with. not that i'd get that in the US anyways.

ok, well the dearest of shanna's is waiting outside for me to get off the bloody computer. the boys are in the theater seeing Van Helsing (silly boys).

so love from italy. oh yes and the colleseum wasn't that exciting...small letdown. but the little chapel outside the roman forum with the sweet elderly priest hobbling around taking care of things...yeah. that was awesome. and the santa maria majorria cathedral was decidedly lovely in that decadent sort of way. we're probably not going to hit vatican city. none of us are catholic. or in the mood to hit pickpocket central. maybe tomorrow when we've had our collective tempers cool.

love!
hannah

4 human subjects ¤ participate in the study

ça porte du bonheur «sunday may 09 2004 ‡ 9:22pm»
« mood ‡ sore »

...it brings good luck, said the man outside the café next to the flea market we went to today. we had stopped at this huge outdoor flea market to pick up replacement socks, underwear, pants, for the load of white clothing that accidentally got left on the train. ugh. travel fuckup #2. at any rate, for whatever reason, while trevor had gone into the café to pick up some beer, i ended up in a random conversation with a man from senegal who was sitting at the door. halfway through, he gave me a little red elephant charm. "it brings good luck." so i am supposed to put it in my window when i get home, with the trunk facing the door, and it will bring me love, luck, happiness, etc. and you know? just getting it made my day. so there's luck and happiness it's brought already. and love, in that general-i-love-humanity kinda way. it was a nice break from the continuous attempts at pickpocketing. ahh....roma. so i gave him a bracelet in return. "je le porterai le reste de ma vie..."

so. the train ride was long. i had time to henna my left hand, so it's all covered in a fairly dark stain (i was impressed, for tube henna) we got to our hostel in rome ok...i miss paris, as does shanna. but OK. new experiences. the flea market was good. although....shopping is hard here, being as the sizes are all different. i ended up inadvertantly buying a pair of jeans (for only 1 euro, so who cares) that will fit my sister sarah nicely. but not me. heh.

one of the highlights of the day...the cat sanctuary. there is a large pyramid marking a protestant graveyard (keats is buried there, as is shelly) and right next to it, a sanctuary for cats. the cats apparently settled the graveyard some time ago, but now there are several women who go volunteer in the sanctuary, feed, vet etc the cats. it was interesting indeed. i miss lilah!

I like our hostel. We got to talk to some girls who had just spent 2y3months in the peace corps in romania. it was very exciting. they definitely had a different air about them, hard to put a finger on. chatted with one of the guys who works at the hostel...an australian who ran out of money a few months into his see-the-world trip. he told me that there were a lot of places that would hire you with no care for your visa-status. uuuugh. that was tempting. just another reason not to come home. give me a few good reasons to come home.

tomorrow is going to be our day to go see major sites, i suppose. we're all considering cutting it short and heading back to france...more than a few of us are flat out running out of money. which...ugh. but. yeah. i'm headed in for the night to sleep probably...too many cigarrettes plus not enough sleep plus not enough food plus travel stress equals hannah is starting to feel sore and sick. but! going to take care tonight, and see how i feel in the morning. which is sad. because it might have been fun to go do the pub crawl with the australian from the hostel. who knows. maybe i could go, be sober, and be ok.

so! love to you all, from italy. lovely, intoxicating and dangerous like a bad love affair.

love,
hannah

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and she continues... «saturday may 08 2004 ‡ 3:45am»
« mood ‡ surreal »

yeah...that last entry really trailed off, didn't it? i was Soooo tired. i fell asleep on the keyboard shortly thereafter.

tonight's not much better, energywise. but i want to write as i go here, so. so so so. here goes.

to continue and elaborate on yesterday...we met up with one of trevor's friends (who seemed very cool) and after the bar, we stopped at a grocery store and bought a bottle of vodka...which the owner of the store stuffed in trevor's pocket for him (since apparently the cops don't take kindly to people buying alcohol at grocery stores after midight...so they sold it to us, but made us hide it. heh. funny.) we went back to trevor's friend's (chris) little apt (v. cool.) and played the lighter game (ask a question of someone, hand them the lighter. they must then hand the lighter to whomever they feel is the answer for that question, and then when the lighter gets back to the starting person, all the questions are revealed to everyone, as well as the answers) we played a few rounds before chris' roommate showed up very drunk and proceeded to turn angry (ugh, violent drunks) and ended up kicking us out of the house. ugh. a wee bit uncomfortable, to say the least. but as there is now more distance from the experience...not so scary as it was to my drunken self last night.

tonight!! was awesome. brett and i went out alone to go do our electronica thing. went to a club first, playing some SICK breakbeats...best i have ever heard. amazing, incredible, blah,blah,blah yeah. eargasm. orgasm, for that matter. true thing! since the club shut down at midnight (probably on account of noise regulations about not being above ground with loud music after a certain time...) we then headed to a DNB/Jungle party we had found on the internet.

!!!

for starters, it was on a fucking boat, on the seine. the music was incredible. it even had a better vibe to it that the club (hey, so ok, junglist party vs club scene...) yeah, all i could think was WOW. i wish gabe and kevin could see this, could be here! they would die! truly...you would not have believed it. worth a trip across the ocean just to attend. had some fun conversations in french, and then english (?!?) with a guy who'd spent 2 years in hawaii with his schooling/job-training. the whole night was....surreal. is the only way to put it. at the same time lost in the music and yet also snapped completely outside myself. the participant observer. hard to describe.

some interesting notes. of course, this should be obvious, but it's not something i really gave much thought to. dance here is SO different. i felt like a sore thumb the whole time on the floor. or, well. an oddity, moreso. very strange feeling indeed.

so tomorrow we leave for italy at 8am in the morning. i am planning to just sleep on the train. because, well. i need to be up by 6am tomorrow, to get ready and get down to gare de lyon (the train station) by 7ishsomething. the time is now 4:15. i am excited about italy, having never seen it. but being myself, i am also sad to be leaving france. we got invites to another breaks party that will happen may 21...so we'll see. we may be back. time in each country is flexible. and i may just do some of my vinyl shopping here, rather than in the UK. i don't know. maybe that's sacriledge. but. WOW. just. no words for how amazing french breaks are. no words. at least, we have shanna with some italian behind her, so we won't be completely lost (like in germany and holland)

wowwowowowowowow. my life. is insane. i'm so glad i did this. cannot express how worth it. [explodes]

love,
hannah

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because that's what you do in journals, non? «friday may 07 2004 ‡ 2:55am»
« mood ‡ artistic »

write down all your new experiences? yesterday night was dedicedly better, despite the waking up hungover like nobody's business. yesterday was getting hit on by frenchman and canadians and being told that i had a mysterious air about me et...."vous êtes actrice? ... vous ne pouvez pas être americainne...and holding interesting conversations about intercultural perceptions and "finding my people (ravers)" as shanna put it, and giving away my favorite piece of candy (the one that said BLAME ME and was all sorts of goth-black-and-whiteness) wandering home with good friends being highly amused at the slightest thing and rounding on trevor for not having KNOWN BETTER than to kiss some random girl before he had even Met shanna. (well, what? i'm sure she wasn't as supercool, whomever she was)

and tonight was hitting a random, lack-luster bar, along with a fairly interesting question game, along with meeting random roommate (sometimes he'll just thee-for the stations....Ok. just looked, and that sentance has no meaning. more tomorrow, tonight needs some distance from me before it's useful.

love,
hannah

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rockin the sexy industrial goth. «wednesday may 05 2004 ‡ 10:17pm»
« mood ‡ prowlish. rawr. »

we're headed out to someplace called bar 3. i'm all decked out in shanna's shoes and scarf, trevor's baggy pants and bowler hat and my vampish silky shirt that splits over the stomach...man. for the first time in some time...i feel HOT. yeah. gonna have to see what i can do about a similar hat of my own when i get home. sex on a stick. < /okendflaunt >

today was nothing eventful. all of us caught up on our sleep and were genrally bums. shanna made some excellent tequilla lime chicken, there were artichokes and paté and yogurt and strawberries and chocolate and baguette and french chips and sangria and more wine (rose) and I AM FULL. a "high gravity" meal, as brett put it. bleh. but i'm confident we will have need to walk it off before the bar. i'm finally getting used to all the walking, so less sore and feethurt and whatnot. i would love to live in a city with the ability to be car-free.

oh yes, and BY THE WAY. for all you fine folk who took that entry about staying here seriously...you were RIGHT. but only by about 50%. which means that it's going to happen in the future, but not just this instant. the sirenesque draw of paris will catch me sooner or later. but, i'm thinking, i have things i need to get in order first.

ok! love to all.

love,
!hannah

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hannah firsts. «wednesday may 05 2004 ‡ 3:57am»
« mood ‡ sleepy »

first time:
getting drunk in public
getting drunk legally.
going to a bar.
getting hit on at a bar (haha...even just the whole "getting hit on" part is practically new to me...yeah...i suck at flirting. and dancing with -gasp- guys??! but i never dance WITH them. haha....I DANCE ALONE, DAMMIT. I'm sorry...but you've thrown off the emporer's groove!)
having someone buy me a drink.
stumbling around (yes, literally) singing How Dry I Am (yes, again) at 3am in the middle of Paris (yes wow).

also lovely night activities:
petit pont brasserie....amazing jazz restaurant with Oh So Sexy Goddess of Jazz music singing her heart out there. wow. so impressed, me.
wandering around finding metros that were open at 11:45.
more cafe au lait. hannah has a new addiction. will do unnameable things for more high-quality cafe au lait.
loves mes amis! all of them. but am super glad that some at least could be here with me. can think of several more that i'd like to have here. note to my friends: will always be happy to take you to paris as a translator. haha. yes. hannah loves the whole "translator" bit.

exciting night, to say the least. i am glad my friends were there, so they can give me shit about how stupid i get when intoxicated, later. live and love and laugh and libre. and libra, even.

yes. all good things must come to an end. i feel like, the door is closing on too many good things now. but, i will enjoy it while it lasts. forbid that i should waste what precious little is left worrying about how it will someday be over. goddammit. it's that strange tied-down-yet-floating feeling again. always with the heart-hurt, that one. i feel alone. i will be OK with this if it kills me, dammit. because if i'm going to be this picky, i'm going to deal with downtime, flat out. i'm going to live with my being-aloneness. but like bradly has said before. it's just the passing of The Moment. That time when you have something wonderful, that you would like to share, is all.

on a more cheerful note, i am having the time of my life. give me your address and i wil try and mail you a postcard from your coutry of choice. france, italy, germany, netherlands, UK.

must go! 430 am here!
love to all,
hannah

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god dammed aphrodisiac absinthe. «monday may 03 2004 ‡ 9:40pm»
« mood ‡ predatory »

check off list of places to go see:
la place de la concorde
sacre-coeur
moulin-rouge
champs-elysees (bleh!)
arc-de-triomphe (bleh, again)
montmarte (artists sqaure...and WTF. they put a bloody RESTAURANT in the middle of the square where all the ACTUAL ARTISTS used to be. so now it's just...restaurant with a FEW artists lined around it. arg.)
absinthe bar
(soon) trevor's bar, le violin dingue.

so we managed to hit mostly all of hannah's favorites, orsay and other random small non-tourist locations aside.

tomorrow it's st chapelle, catacombs and cemetaries (ahh yes...i love my goth friends...), and one other place trev wants to go...forgot the name.

ok so rant. hannah. loves accents. thinks they're even as sexy as glasses are. went to a bar. had absinthe. which is apparently an aphrodisiac of some sort. sat around in the bar, all warm and fuzzy (read - hot and bothered). sat in a room full of mostly-attractive people speaking french (read - +3 to Attract Hannah) talked about the problem with two people who are currently sharing the sentiment (read - made it worse by not only Thinking about it, but also Talking about it). find out trevor has been advertising my singleness to his friends (read - HEY THANKS TREVOR). and am now shortly headed out to meet said friends. the only minor detail in this all...i just got my tongue pierced. read - CAN'T SO MUCH AS KISS, really, FOR 2 WEEKS. arrg. raawr. okthanksforlisteningeveryone.

and sadness! it has been said that the indigo will fade to black in my hair. which is, yes, what i had originally intended. but i was much pleasantly surprised to have it turn out like it did. and as to la langue...i think i may be back to normality again in the next few days. which is a reallly pleasant thought. then i can actually start getting used to it. And How!

i am enjoying the benefit of regular internet connection while it lasts. not that i'd spend near as much time on it here as at home (too many other interesting things). but nevertheless...this is really the only journal i'd intent of keeping record in. since i long ago failed at paper journals (too much time to write vs. typing at the speed of thought)

i'm sleepy. walk walk walk all day long. i fear i will lose weight, unhealthily, as i eat little and walk tons. so! on that note, i'm off to go nap before i go meet all trev's friends. not that it's going to do me any good to worry about how i look, really. but nevertheless.

love,
hannah

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